12/17-18/2025

I felt the lowest I'd remembered. Cried in your arms, clung to your words. You took me apart, unraveled the tangled seams that made up my frayed edges, set me back on solid ground so I could figure out how to crawl. Learn how to sit, stand up again. To be reduced to a state like that, for you and others to see, left me fragile. I'm sure you knew. There'd been no need to express the shame when it was so clearly on display for you, after all. I sat with that feeling while you were away, dazed, unfocused, and still looking to you for answers. Went back into our archives just to hear your words. It left me overwhelmed with feelings, some of which I could identify. Some of which I couldn't. But it left me warm, like you'd left my mind melted in the sheets.

I spent the rest of the night thinking of you. Of us. Of our start here in this life, with all the fumbling and uncertainty that comes with firsts. The way you say my name has always struck right through to my bones, but the heat in my veins that sparks when it falls off your sharpened tongue these days changes something in me. Leaves me weak. Gets me hot. You intoxicate me. The drug that you are soothes me in ways no other has. Trust is too powerful a thing.

I have always wanted to be under you. To feel your gaze and power and strength over me. It's a thrill to fantasize the many ways you could take me apart without knowing which one you will choose. The mystery of the hunter's weapon. In my core, I crave being hunted by you, and you alone. I have always wanted to be on top of you. To pin you down, have my mouth on you, force those pretty sounds out. I want to take you apart piece by piece, if only to have the joy of admiring how you put yourself together again. The carnal ways that I want you are beyond a single trope. I could never choose just one. I want you, all of you. I feel high just knowing that I have you.